Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
