he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
