Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
