as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
