I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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