My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
