I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
