take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
