i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the day after is always just damage control
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
