why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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