Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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