I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
even my farts smell like vagina
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
