Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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