dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
