You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
