they need to just BURY HIM!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
