Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
