If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
