there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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