idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
