That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My ass is underappreciated
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
