to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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