Four minutes until I can fart!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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