I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Randomize
