3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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