I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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