so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
