My underwear smells like fireworks.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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