I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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