Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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