1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize