bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
