I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
