it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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