Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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