talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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