so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
