I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
