also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize