I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
