am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize