So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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