Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
