I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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