No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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