i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
my liver is dry heaving
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