I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
