So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
