Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
