I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
