i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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