All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
