I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
