Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it was like eating out sand paper
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
