Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize