just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
