i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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