shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
