Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
