Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
