My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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