Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
