How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
