My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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